Number crunching

I know the agency fees have always been a mess and I have been trying to sort out this mess since I started my new job.

On and off I thought I am on top of it but of course I’m running low of money.

Because my predecessor didn’t have a gasp of amount that should be spent, and a lot of the fees weren’t paid… from 2019.

I think I have gotten a good idea of what I need, and the fee that needs paying but I am definitely not cut for finance but I have no idea why I’m always crunching numbers. I have literally been sorting out accounts since 2012 and even before that when I was working in a bookshop.

I don’t hate it, because I get a sense of achievement when I get to the bottom of it. But at the same time it’s very draining.

I feel like my brain is fried.

I have an amazing manager though. He has ideas, and thoughts that helped me to get through it and ultimately he lets me take credit for it even though he was the one with the ideas.

There’s so many moment today that my team and I have been aggressive.

Multiple times we said we want to kill someone and I even offer to dispose of the body and be their alibi.

And I just realise I am always offering to dispose of bodies and be an alibi to my direct reports.

But I guess it’s only those who I trust and I trust them at work doing their job and the must be a reason why they killed.

Disposing bodies are much more fun than crunching numbers anyway.

Good evening until…

I had a wonderful day today. Work was good, I dropped off my deposit for Carrot Top’s tattoo, got paid, got my beauty products and had a good evening with a friend I haven’t seen for a while.

Then what happened?

Bloody train was delayed again.

It’s a Friday evening.

Everyone is out.

And the delay is due to the signalling person not available.

And people kept getting on the train and it reminds me of when I had to be kicked off the train because it’s too busy and the train is overloaded.

When I have complained about how trains are overloaded and I couldn’t get to my seat and the same company told me everything is okay.

They put up the train ticket prices every year and the service just get worse.

And the government didn’t like how much work and how Virgin Trains are always on time so they won’t give them the contract to run the trains.

And they wonder why the reputation of public transport is terrible in the UK?

Seriously.

Cowardice

One of the my little girls in Hong Kong called me in the middle of the night last night – technically this morning and told me her boyfriend wanted to ‘have a break’.

She’s very upset of course, and very teary.

The ‘boyfriend’ said to her during the current situation in Hong Kong and the pandemic with CoVid, he felt like he’s lost himself and he wants a break.

I am sorry.

You’ve lost yourself?

Well… where did you lose yourself?

If you have to find yourself then why can’t you find yourself with your girlfriend?

This is a worse excuse than ‘it’s not you it’s me’ because it makes it sound like as if you know about mental health and you want to be healthy mentally and be a better person but you are not.

I didn’t say any of this to her of course, I listened and when she asked me questions, I answered her from my experience and my from where I stand, looking at the whole picture. At the end, I told her to go with her gut feeling because if you don’t feel good about the whole situation, not worth it.

Sometimes you really have to go through it and experience it in order to learn from your mistakes.

I did.

totally unnecessary

My office is currently going through a little bit of a renovation. One of them being building showers because we have quite a lot of cyclists and since summer is coming, they will probably need to wash before start working.

It makes sense, I think I probably will need a wash when I walk into work especially the last few summers has been very very hot and I dread to think what it would be like if I have to walk to work on the hottest day (or days) of the year.

Because of this, there was a lot of noise (when there shouldn’t be any) due to the drilling, the banging and

I have had a few teleconference today, and believe it or not, someone actually complained about me running off halfway through a call.

Because the dust from the drilling set off the fire alarm and I can’t just sat at my desk to carry on with the call.

Stupid.

I have had so many “damned if you do and damned if you don’t” situations with the same people and they twist my words so many times and I have to correct them so many times.

I said “I will look into the option of having someone onsite”, they twisted my words and became “you offer to have someone onsite”.

I said “yes she is our new promo expert from the platform”. They said “you have a new prom expert for your team”.

And to make it even better – they refuse to acknowledge it when I correct them.

Ridiculous.

Happy birthday Yuya

29 years ago an adorable baby was born and became a youngest sibling of four.

He was a happy baby, sleep through the night and only get a little upset when he isn’t given food at the right time.

He was a gentle child with lots of love for the beautiful outdoors especially the sea and the beach.

He was also a little bit a loner, being the youngest child of the family and a big age gap between him and his other siblings.

But he loved the solitude (He still does).

When he hit teenage, it was obvious that he is going to be a good looking young man. He was appreciated by many, because of his looks, but his cold attitude and the love for solitude stopped them to approach him and be friends with him.

When he turned 14, his sister thought enough is enough, and made him joined a group of boys (I think it’s more of a cult… but a good cult, no less) and he eventually was pushed to make friends – looking back, it’s probably a good thing.

During his rebellion phase, he looked like a real thug and because he loves his alone time, even less people would approached him, and some of his ‘friend’ even left him, but deep down, he is a soft teddy bear and those who knew him and love him, stuck by him.

He grew out of that.

He now has a great group of friends that he trusts with his life, and he loves every single one of them as much as they love him.

Happy 29th birthday Yuya. You made today a lot easier to deal with.

—-

This morning.

There was a follow up with what happened yesterday.

The person who mentioned “Not going to point fingers” yesterday actually helped this morning on the call, which I was grateful.

(To be fair, besides the line that he keep mentioning he was generally nice)

But of course other things happened in the afternoon – every time when I think it is going to be simple, it is not simple because some certain bitch just don’t understand the word “simple”.

Anyways, I draw the line this time.

She was a little more “okay…” and less pushy.

I don’t know if this is what is needed.

I love how she used:

“stand in our shoes” – what about you standing in my shoes?

“There is a broken process” – because the process you decided on is fucked.

“You did not communicate it straight away” – yes I did; just because I didn’t send it personally (and why would I do that), doesn’t mean that it was not sent. You skipped that email, fucker.

”We are concerned” – so am I, because why are you all bunch of idiots that pretend to know what you are doing?

“It’s not just one of us that is confused, it is a bunch of us” – well a bunch of us are not confused so maybe you fuckers are not using this thing call brain in your big heads.

Able to become a doctor and/or have a PhD means you are intelligence and hard working, it doesn’t mean that you have common sense.

And the more academically involved you are, the less likely you are going to have common sense.

WHY oh WHY the hell are you all so rude to people and always assumed people are wrong, and when you realised you have made a mistake or done something wrong, you just scream louder and refuse to admit that you are wrong and apologise?

And it’s not just one of you, it is a whole bunch of you.

Why don’t you stand in my shoes to see what I am seeing?

Or are you all too arrogant to see that?

“not going to point fingers…”

That line was used 4 time during a call today that lasted 30 minutes.

Can you believe it.

They blamed it on us by saying “not going to point fingers” and “I am not going to mention names”…

For fuck’s sake.

If you want to complain about it, the complain about it.

We are big girls. We can take it.

Even though we will cry and kick and scream about it first.

And you know what?

On top of all that, by saying we need someone more “senior”, that makes it personal.

You have seen all our CV and you know what experience we have. Saying us we are not experience means you fucked up because you chose us.

Idiots.

Finding myself

I care for people, and I love to help people.
But sometimes I wonder if I am just too nice to people, and they end up relying on me for too much.

First time I realised this was an issue was when I was helping, and spending a little too much time with my friend from university, helping her to sort out her life.
To the point where I think, she is getting a little too far, relying on me now.
Admittedly she is a bisexual, and she was hitting on me, and I had to tell her in the nicest way that I love her as a friend and nothing more.
She has backed off since I told her, which is good.
But she hasn’t sorted out her life, and she is still telling me the problems she has.

Second time was the little girl that started school in England last September. Her father and my father are both from the same secondary school, but her father is a (many) few years younger. Last summer I met her, and she grabbed onto me as if I was her saviour.

At some point I actually got really annoyed with her, because she wanted to be like me, her parents want her to be like me, and though there are many things that happened to her is similar to what happened to me (I wasn’t bullied in primary school like she was, because she has ADHD and that is not accepted in Hong Kong much – narrow minded assholes), she also wants to be like me.

She doesn’t want to me, but she wants to be like me.
Two different thing.

She doesn’t know my dark side.
Her parents don’t know my dark side.
Yes, there is the tattoos and yes there is the piercing.
There is the crazy hair and also the sarcastic, rude comments.
But she hasn’t seen everything yet.

Anyways, she has settled into her new life in England a lot better now, so she is not relying on me as much, which is a good thing.
But sometimes being treated as if I am a role model makes me feel like I want to rebel even more.

And today, it’s The Doe, I helped her through her anxiety moments today, and i don’t know if it’d be something similar – she will spend more and more time relying on me.

I am not sure if this is part of me – helping other people and making sure they are okay.
Most of the time I am not really okay.
And when I wanted to express myself to someone, they distant themselves from me (except for Carrot Top, Curly and Midori… and Blondie to certain extends), and I have learnt not to overshare with people in general.

I mean, that was one of the reasons that CLEB broke up with me.
Because apparently, I was too depressing and I don’t notice what’s was happening with him, when he nearly lost his job.

I told The Doe today that don’t store crap inside, and you should always share.
But obviously it’s easier said than done.

Crazy manic panic (for nothing)

One of the clients that I work with is absolutely mental.
They panicked for nothing.

The thing is, it gets us into a panic mode and it totally and complete freak us out.

And on top of that, I tried to sort out this spa day thing, which I previously bought it for the lady who gor married back in July as a girlie day, but it turned out she couldn’t make it and it’ll be difficult to sort out a date.

So I have asked Carrot Top to go with me instead.
She also forgot what her availability is so I had to reschedule it when they have nearly confirmed the booking… and we are talking December already.

On the other hand, I have received some precious gifts from Japan, and it really means the world to me when those who loves me would send me things that basically means they are indulging me in my crazy shit.

Five items, one of them dated ten years ago and they managed to get their hands on it and posted it to me.

Also the Infinity War DVD arrived so… sorry this is yet another short one.

So today is not exactly a good day and I am so glad that it was over… but it’s not been too bad a day.

I don’t think.

Sexual harassment

I have been a little bit too involved with what is happening right now than my actual-self, and I am not sure if I like that.

(Kidding, when am I not a self-centred bitch?)

I think I have mentioned a few times that I went to university with SciBabe from what in the days in the second city.
She is one of my very close friends.

Recently she was at a conference and it was an unfortunately turn of event, she was sexually harassed.

And eventually it turned out that he is a serial sexual harasser.

This sorry excuse of a human being has since deleted his Twitter account, and also his Facebook account, but here is a timeline of what happened (courtesy from Reddit… what would we do without Reddit?).

Alan Aragon turns out to be a serial sexual harasser. from leangains

And to top it off, there is a Youtube video of a “friend” of this ‘human’, half-ass commenting on the situation whilst making bullets.

The Drunken Alan Aragon Sexual Harassment Situation!

I just want to make a point.
The definition of “assault” is: ‘make a physical attack on’.
He groped her.
Saying it this is not an “assault”?

Ridiculous.

I am behind SciBabe 100%.
I know her, and I know what she is like.
One thing I know about her is that she is frank and she doesn’t beat around the bush.
I have been on the receiving end of that whilst we were in university, and she knows what she wants and she means every words she says.
She might have no filter between her brain and her mouth (not that I do either), but when she says no, SHE MEANS NO.

So to sum it up:
Alan Aragon’s apology was not an apology.
Jason Blaha? A guy who seems like he is speaking out and condemning Alan Aragon. HOWEVER, also implied that SciBabe is also in the wrong, and that no one is right in this situation.

(I am sorry – what did she do or not do again?)

Euromillions

Today I was at the supermarket to pick up lunch and I saw the euromillions.
And it was £67 millions.

So I grabbed two lines.

I am not wanting the whole £67 million, but obviously I won’t turn down the £67 million.

I want to buy my cousin and his family a stable place. They have been renting and the housing situation is so fucked up, tiny little flats costs a bomb and he can’t afford it.

I want to go on a family holiday. By a family holiday I mean my aunts, my uncles and my cousins. I want us to go to japan and have a good time and enjoy ourselves.

After that I’ll put away half of my winning, give my parents half of the half, pay off my mortgage, get myself another flat and rent it out to Carrot Top for peanuts, get everybody that means a lot to me something because I love them and I want to say thank you to them.

Obviously it’s so well planned out now I won’t win it.

But at least I have the plan, and it’s ready to go when I do win.