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Day 18 with crutches and knee brace, Miss. S coming to mine and Ocean Eleven (250 days)

Miss. S texted me and asked if she could pop over and chat.
Of course I said yes.
She’s better off to be with someone rather than be on her own.
It’s lovely to have her around, and we talked about everything and anything.
 
I had a very interesting conversation with Curly and her sisters on Facebook today.
I am not going to give out the names, but here is what happened:
 
Curly:
1970s Robin Hood contains references to cult objects! And this immortal exchange just occurred between Herne and Robin : “what shall I do?” “Act without thinking”. You need to rewatch it.
Femme:
What happened to the bad little women!
Curly:
Mummy wants to watch it too so I’m not allowed till next week.
Femme:
Boo!!!



Curly:
Ooh on my phone it looks like a sad face but here it’s ANGRY
Curly:
Possibly Facebook can now show subconscious emotions? THOUGHT POLICE, SAVE YOUR CHILDREN
 
Curly:
Also Femme you would probably like 1970s Robin Hood too. They all have mullets, and he has cheekbones to spare, and they all overact massively, it’s great
Curly -sister 1-:
If I make it to Tunbridge Wells this Easter could we rewatch it PLEASE? I miss the mullets

Femme:
Hold on a second.
I don’t like mullet and cheekbones.
I like boyband-look-alikes. 
Overact massively however sounds perfect.
 
Femme:
I will MAKE it for Easter just to see it though. Robin Hood can’t go wrong.
 
Curly:
mullets and cheekbones are the definition of boy-band lookalikes! But he’s possibly too beautiful to be in a boyband…. 
Curly:
And yes! Come for Easter! Curly -sister 1- you are allowed as well

Femme:
…you need to check the boyband wiki.
 
Femme:
I will come down for Easter! It’s in my diary!!!

Curly:
I shall now stop embarrassing myself. Come for Easter! Mullets! Cheekbones! Bad Robin Hood! (but not as bad as Russell Crowe. That was terrible)
 
Curly -sister 1-:
Honestly, I make one innocent post about TINY HORSES and suddenly my Facebook is flooded with sisters
Curly:
I’m really sorry. I feel as if I’m being one of the Aunts. Everybody say something Robin Hood related so that no-one will see my shame unless they click ‘see more’

Curly:
In which case there’s no stopping them

Curly -sister 1-:
Quick, pretend to have a serious conversation!
 
Curly:
Exactly. Robin Hood, Robin Hood, riding through the glen

Curly:
Robin Hood Robin Hood with his mullet and cheekbones

Curly:
Should he fight and stay? Should he run away?
 
Curly -sister 1-:
Personally I have always found the ritual references within Robin Hood quite fascinating. The mullet:cheekbone juxtaposition may in this context be viewed as the classic nature:culture discourse as described by Ortner.
 
Curly:
surely you’ve got them the wrong way round? mullet:cheekbone culture:nature

Curly -sister 1-:
But mullets are soft and yielding (femininity, nature stereotype) but cheekbones are masculine and spiky! (masculinity, culture stereotype) 
Curly:
And all those mullet wigs are DEFINITELY cut objects

Curly:
BUT mullets are not a natural hairstyle, they are imposed by culture, whereas cheekbones are a natural feature of the human face

Curly -sister 1-:
Can we just say both mullets and cheekbones have ritual significance, and therefore express the confluence of nature and culture?
 
Femme:
Bravo. 
Curly -sister 1-:
Finally, a dissertation topic! ‘Mullets and cheekbones: forest-dweller cults in mediaeval England’

Curly:
I don’t think cheekbones have ritual significance. I think, although a natural phenomenon, they have cultural significance because in our culture cheekbones are seen as attractive.
 
Curly:
I will read that dissertation!
 
Femme:
According to forensic studies, High cheekbones develop with maturity and are a sign a woman is old enough to be capable of reproduction.
 
Femme:
But what about men?
 
Curly:
EXACTLY. Do men with cheekbones play a role similar to that of the male seahorse?
 
Curly -sister 1-:
What have I created

Curly: 
Some really good dissertation possibilities!
 
Femme:
*looking through forensic notes*

Curly -sister 1-:
Right, well I’ll just print this conversation off and send it to my DoS

Curly -sister 1-:
Alternatively I could hand it in instead of my gender and bodies essay

Femme:
males prominent facial features such as high cheekbones and a strong jaw and chin are a sign of a high level of testosterone and are considered attractive physical traits in many cultures

Femme:
That’s what I wrote.
 
Curly:
I think you need a few more citations first

Curly -sister 1-:
(Curly 2014, in press; Femme 2014, in press)

Curly:
That doesn’t answer the seahorse question though . . . who do we know who’s a biologist?
 
Curly -sister 1-:
The seahorse thing is linked to reproductive strategies and social organisation, so you would have to compare litter sizes and labour divisions between humans and seahorses, PLUS for humans the problem of cultural decisions
Femme:
Mpreg. It’s massive in fan fiction.
 
Curly:
And find out whether Michael Praed ever had a baby

Curly:
Which might be getting a bit stalker-ish

Femme:
Doesn’t wiki say anything?
 
Curly -sister 1-:
Or just write fanfic about Michael Praed’s child being raised by seahorses

Femme:
Like jungle book in the sea.
 
Curly -sister 1-:
Mowglug

Curly:
No! Fanfic is not the answer! This is a serious dissertation topic and we need to know the FACTS. Is Michael Praed a seahorse? And if not, does he share enough DNA markers to allow him to carry his young?
 
Femme:
2 kids. He’s got 2 kids. A son called Gabriel and a daughter called Frankie.
 
Curly:
And what about his seahorse status?
 
Curly -sister 1-:
I think we abandoned FACTS a long time ago. Also, Gabriel and Frankie are great mermaid names.
 
Curly -sister 1-:
Does he self-identify as a seahorse?
 
Femme:
Maybe Frankie did. I mean, Disney and all, right? And Hans Andersen.
 
Curly:
I think we need to interview him. Possibly having allowed him to read this first so he understands the background.
 
Curly -sister 1-:
… ‘and that, kids, is the story of how your aunt Curly, Femme and I all went to prison together’

Femme:
I did a forensic degree just so I can avoid prison.
 
Curly -sister 1-:
?!
 
Femme:
I think we can get ‪Carrot Top to bail us all out.
 
Curly -sister 1-:
Don’t drag any more people into this! ALTHOUGH… If we get enough people involved, the seahorse courtcase could then be called Ocean Eleven

Curly:
“where, after many years, we met your fathers, a pregnant seahorse carrying a yellow umbrella”

Curly -sister 1-:
*TOTAL SURREALITY ACTIVATED*

Femme:
the yellow umbrella is from a cocktail bar from Jamaica

Curly:
OK, who do we need? A gynacologist, a marine biologist, whatever the male equivalent of a gynacologist is – with Carrot Top that’s Ocean’s Seven
Curly:
DOES THE OCEAN COUNT AS ‘OCEAN’ IN THE ELEVEN?
 
Curly:
Because that would make Ocean’s Eight

Femme:
Yes. That’s the Jamaican.

Femme:
I think male equivalent of a gynaecologist is called an andrologist?
 
Curly -sister 1-:
Plus Maid Marian, Little John and Friar Tuck. Eleven. Done.
 
Femme:
Andrology is the study of male bits.
 
Femme:
We need to have 2 more people ready for the sequel – Oceans Thirteen.
 
Curly:
Right. Us three, Carrot Top, the Ocean, a Jamaican, a gynacologist, an andrologist, a marine biologist, Maid Marian, Little John and Friar Tuck makes 12. Who are we going to throw over the side of the balloon?
 
Femme:
Maid Marian.
 
Femme:
Because Robin Hood will save her.
 
Curly -sister 1-:
Throw me, I need to go and make some dinner!
 
Curly:
THIS IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN FOOD.
 
Curly:
Where is your dedication?
 
Curly:
Your sense of wonder at the world around you?
 
Femme:
Or the Jamaican. When did we decide to add the Jamaican? 
Curly:
It was you! Something to do with the umbrella I think

Curly -sister 1-:
Clearly I am not worthy to be kept in the balloon. Also I second Femme, what is going on?

Femme:
Jamaican ocean where also the Jamaican hello umbrella is from.

Curly -sister 1-:
THE UMBRELLA WAS ALSO YOUR IDEA Curly
Femme:
when I say hello umbrella, I meant yellow.
 
Curly:
Ohhhhh in that case we’re ok, we don’t need to chuck Curly -Sister 1- or Maid Marian

Curly -sister 1-:
I understand nothing, but I am TEMPORARILY LANDING this balloon so that I can eat. Adios.
 
Curly:
Curly -sister 2- is currently reading her way down this, can I type this before she gets to the end?!?!?!
 
Femme:
what happened to Michael Praed?
 
Femme:
I want to know what happened to Michael Praed.
 
Curly -sister 1-:
Where do we put Curly -sister 2- in the balloon?
 
Femme:
and Gabriel and Frankie.
 
Curly:
He’s a seahorse. And I think Ocean’s 11 are doing something to him? Investigating? Rescuing? Impregnating?
 
Femme:
Or are they new mermaids so they don’t belong to Ocean Eleven courtcase?
 
Curly -sister 1-:
All right. Here’s what’s going on:
 
Femme:
because surely mermaids and mermen can’t be in court.
 
Femme:
where are they going to stand?!
 
Curly -sister 1-:
Michael Praed and his seahorse children, concerned by our invasion of their privacy, have filed a courtcase

Curly:
GO AWAY CURLY -SISTER 2- WE DON’T NEED YOU TILL THE SEQUEL OR WE’LL HAVE TO CHUCK MAID MARIAN WE ONLY JUST MANAGED TO GET DOWN TO ELEVEN

Curly -sister 1-:
We are all on the run. In a balloon.
 
Femme:
with the Jamaican yellow umbrella that would guide us to run away to Jamaica.
 
Curly:
Or the Jamaican Ocean

Femme:
the court case is based on the fact that we we were sending the gynaecologist and the andrologist onto Michael Praed…?
 
Femme:
We’ve lost the marine biologist on the way…
 
Curly -sister 1-:
Poor Michael Praed.
 
Curly:
Or invading his privacy/doing a hate crime by asking about his (possible) identification as a seahorse?
 
Femme:
invading his privacy. definitely.
 
Curly -sister 2-:
I MADE IT!
 
Curly:
I think Michael Praed would be pleased he is still such a hot topic of conversation

Curly -sister 2-:
you’re all geniuses

Curly -sister 1-:
Or: can we be put in prison on grounds of diminished responsibility? Without any crime? Just, definitely diminished responsibility, judging by this conversation

Femme:
No. We won’t be in prison because I am a forensic scientist. I will distort all evidence.
 


Curly:
Or geniiiii?
 
Femme:
If that is not the case, Carrot Top will bail us out.
 
Curly -sister 1-:
Or we’ll just leave in the balloon. To Jamaica!
 
Femme:
distort? I mean destroy dammit!
 
Curly:
How? It’s here, very visible. Even Carrot Top can’t deny our guilt.
 
Curly -sister 1-:
(We went of our own accord)
 
Femme:
how are we going to Jamaican without the balloon?
 
Curly:
Yay! Jamaica! Here we come. Is Curly -sister 2- allowed on the balloon?
 
Femme:
I want the balloon.
 
Femme:
are we dropping the marine biologist?
 
Curly -sister 1-:
I thought you said not? Unless Femme was right and we’ve ditched the marine biologist

Curly -sister 1-:
Or Curly -sister 2- could become a marine biologist
Femme:
I think we should drop the marine biologist

Femme:
he’s not doing anything.
 
Curly -sister 2-:
who needs a marine biologist

Curly:
OR Femme could retrain as a marine biologist since that’s what she wanted when we were little

Curly -sister 2-:
I’ll be maid marian

Curly:
OK, let’s just drop him

Curly -sister 2-:
and I’ll bring cake

Curly -sister 1-:
OR I COULD GO AND EAT DINNER

Curly -sister 2-:
thus killing two birds with one stone 
Femme:
the marine biologist can be in the sequel

Curly:
NO Maid Marian is a separate entity, if you be her we’re only down to ten!
 
Curly:
WE NEED TO BE ELEVEN

Femme:
we need to get ready for the sequel!!!
 
Curly:
We’ll reintroduce the marine biologist and Curly -sister 1-’s dinner (hee hee that sounds funny) can have a cameo

Curly -sister 2-:
Femme will retrain as a marine biologist and then we can chuck him

Femme:
Let’s drop the marine biologist, who is going to turn out for the sequel because it’s going to be based in a small underwater kingdom that was sunk to the bottom. When Curly -sister 1- randomly discover it.
 
Curly -sister 2-:
How will Curly get down there? she’s not allowed to scuba dive.. 
Curly:
OK. Ocean’s 11 – the Ocean, the four people in this discussion, Carrot Top, a gynacologist and an andrologist, Maid Marian, Little John and Friar Tuck. Ocean’s 13 – all the above plus marine biologist and Curly -sister 1-’s dinner’s cameo

Femme:
Yes. A singing dinner like Beauty and the Beast!!!
 
Curly:
YES

Curly -sister 2-:
YES!!!
 
Femme:
the second one can be made into a musical.
 
Curly -sister 2-:
With Mcfly guest-starring

Curly:
This is getting better and better. One small possible problem – can Michael Praed carry a tun?
 
Curly:
*tune?
 
Femme: 
MCBUSTED!!!
 
Femme:
Who cares? Autotune!!!
 
Curly -sister 2-:
I think it would be better if he couldn’t to match the mullet 
Curly:
I am really proud of this discussion

Curly:
The mullet is awesome. Do not mock what you do not understand, little grasshopper

Curly -sister 2-:
It’s quite spectacular

Femme:
me too. I think I want to print a copy and put it in the 30 before 30 book.
 
Curly:
YES to that one too!
 
Curly -sister 2-:
The mullet is awesome! and him murdering a tune would just had to the awesomeness! 

Femme:
I think this is a good time ‪Curly -sister 1- should get dinner.
 
Curly:
I think ‪Curly -sister 1- scarpered while we were distracted with the Curly -sister 2-/balloon question

Femme:
I think we have reach a plateau.
 
Femme:
DAMNIT!
 
Curly -sister 2-:
Maybe she got attacked by mini horses…
 
Femme:
But this is on her page. I am sure she’ll catch up

Curly:
I think you’re right. We can’t get any further without speaking to Michael Praed himself

Femme:
exactly.
 
Curly:
Once he’s signed a non-disclosure agreement and promised not to prosecute

Curly -sister 2-:
We’ll just have to contact his agent

Femme:
I am looking up his agent.
 
Curly -sister 2-:
We should invite him out to Serbia with DavidMitchellPerfectHuman!!
 
Femme:
Jean Diamond Diamond Management. I have a phone number

Curly:
I’ve got butterflies. What if he isn’t a seahorse? All our theories would be disproved. We’d have to start all over again

Femme:
Apparently according to Michael Praed’s website, he can sing.
 
Curly -sister 2-:
It’s clearly meant to be

Femme:
He was captain van trapp.
 
Curly -sister 2-:
wow

Curly:
I just saw that! It doesn’t mention his seahorse status though. Maybe he just needs us to have the strength to come out

Femme:
He also compose and direct a musical called Mac and Beth.
 
Curly -sister 2-:
We can be his support group

Femme:
I seriously believe the fact that he is a seahorse.
 
Curly:
I’m sure he’d love that

Curly:
And yes, Femme, we have to. Otherwise our evening’s work is in vain

Curly:
HAVE FAITH

Curly -sister 2-:

George Michael – Faith + lyrics 
 
Curly:
Curly -sister 2- I disown you

Femme:
I think it’s the George Michael bit I don’t agree.
 
Curly -sister 2-:
‪
Sha Na Na ~I’m Not a Juvenile Delilnquent ~Lennie 



Femme:
THAT’S BETTER!!!
Curly:
I think we should finish this discussion by agreeing 1. that Michael Praed is a seahorse and 2. We will support ‪Curly -sister 1- and help her with her research into the difficulties of being a seahorse in this human-biased world
 
Femme:
3. Gabriel and Frankie are merpeople.
 
Curly:
Sorry, forgot. That too.
 
 
That was definitely the highlight of my day today.
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